After more than a year of having two jobs and taking more volunteer work, I can finally feel the exhaustion. I really try not to complain. I truly am grateful that I have two jobs in the middle of the unemployment crisis. I truly appreciate His provisions... even if I don't have a lot of extra to spare, all my bills are paid on time. But most of the time, I feel that I am pushing myself to hard.
At the same time, I feel unaccomplished. I see people my age moving forward in their careers and I'm currently stuck buying toilet papers and plastic utensils for a living. I want change but I don't want to disappoint the people I love to help because I'm thinking of myself first. There are more ventures that must be explored, but it's hard to choose which of my current responsibilities do I have to drop or put on hold. The feeling of floating through life is not something I ever wanted.
Dreaming of and working hard for one's own success should not be considered selfish, especially if that will benefit another person in the long run. But somehow, I am stuck with the idea that I should put others' happiness before mine. A friend advised that I should think of my own happiness first. The people around me will be disappointed at first, but at least I won't be living the rest of my life wondering of the "what-ifs". And that, in turn, will prevent me from having lingering reasons to blame others.
I trust myself to pull through with whatever this is.