Friday, June 26, 2009


the cable company just installed our modem last saturday and what joy it was to finally reconnect with the whole wide world through the world wide web. alyssa's finally happy cuz she can watch her disney shows. me... well, i can't still watch much tv cuz little sis or dad uses it. ah.. thank you so much laptop inventor! i can watch my shows herr!

i started watching "bambino!" the other day. jun matsumoto just calls me. haha. hana yori dango is still, by far, the best drama i've seen. anyways, bambino is about ban (matsujun), a college student who works as a cook in a small italian eatery in a small town, who was sent by his senior to tokyo to work in an upscale italian restaurant. basically, he's just finding himself and feeding his passion. i just finished the 4th episode.

hay.. i am watching my dramas again.. that means i'm trying to escape again..

Friday, June 12, 2009


i've been troubled for the longest time of how i feel. i kept denying that i'm in denial. haha. everyone thought it was so obvious, but i keep on saying that there's nothing more to it. it's just that.

two days ago, i had a revelation. i've dreamt of him. i will not go into details, just that it really made me realize how much inlove i am with him. he's all i think about and he's all i want. our situation is not that easy, because he's currently with someone else.

last night, i finally told him how i feel and just poured my heart out. he just apologized. we can't be together. it broke my heart... but i still can't stop loving him. at least i know where i stand.

i'm in so much pain, but i still smile and i feel light. maybe because what really burdened me was the fact that i wasn't honest of how i feel. or maybe it's just my mind trying to protect me from depression. just like having a tattoo, it would hurt a lot at first then all you'll feel is nothing. that's where i am now.