i need balls

I've been looking for a flash, better lenses, and a new laptop for my photos. Asked my dear ate for advice on what to get and she said, "If you buy, promise yourself that you will get photography jobs." That scared the fat out of me... well, not really. I mean, the fat out of me, but the scared part is true.

Honestly, I've been holding back and not posting any photos that I took. Part of it is because my HP is acting patootles and my photos are stuck there. But mostly, I'm just plain scared. To be judged, criticized, or rejected. It's dumb because most people are oblivious to stuff they're not interested in, but still, I am scared. I know that I have a lot to learn and I tell myself not to do anything until I have enough skills to pull it off. But I also know that I'm never gonna get anywhere if I think like that.

Ok. Let's do this!!

One of those random blogs

I've been wanting to blog for quite a while, but I always get lazy when the laptop is in front of me. By the way, I'm not using my HP. Dear boyfriend lent me his old laptop because my HP is breaking down too early. It just made 2 years and the screen is already broken, it heats up... really really heats up until it shuts down itself sometimes, and the fan is too noisy. I promised myself that I will get a Mac soon.

There's a flashdrive in my bag that I never used for the longest time. I had to transfer some files so I used it, and there I saw... pictures. Skinny pictures of myself. Then much more skinnier pictures. I WANT THAT AGAIN. Haha

Gah. I need to stop this nonsense. Hopefully I'll be sane the next time I blog. Tah tah!

hula and hullaballoos

Another month passed since my last entry. There's nothing really new to say... just the same old, same old. My life is definitely not boring, at least according to my standards. There are no real rest days. Weekend rests are non-existent.

Last Friday, I went to auntie's shop for the first time in a couple of years. I was slow. haha. There was no practice at all and I have to double check my steps. I was standing up for 5 hours with a few minutes break once in a while. It was fun as much as it was tiring. I love the touch of the fabric and sound of the shears. I have a lot to learn... and a lot to finish.

Today, I danced hula (real hula) for the first time. The Hawaii delegation will perform on the first night in the Florida conference. I think I did pretty good for someone who does not have any experience at all.

This week had it's disappointments: work, sick, dramas. Whew. I'm glad it's over and hoping it won't happen again. Everyday, I still force myself to get up and put on a happy face for work. I just remind myself that God has a purpose and everything will fall in place in His perfect timing.

I'm really looking forward to the Florida trip. Finally! My first out-of-state trip. I'm really grateful to Jesus and my church for funding this trip. But I have to get my hula straight first :)

I just finished calculating the current balances of my loans and credit cards. Let's just say I would be ecstatic and probably could afford a few cosmetic surgeries if I have that amount in my savings account. Never in my life I imagined that I would have that much debt. Of course, my car payment isn't due within the next seven months of this year, but it's a bit overwhelming to know that I am in debt.

I was thinking of going back to school by fall, but it seems unlikely now. At least until I can finish my credit card payments. That also means, no shopping at all. BTW, just off topic, I came up with a statement. "Don't buy clothes. Just lose weight." It's because I have so much clothes... I just can't fit in them. Haha. Anyway... going back to school. I still have about 8 grand in my past loan. I'm not sure if I can afford to add to that. There will always be scholarships available, I'm just not sure which ones I can actually get. I decided to enroll (if I do enroll) in a community college for now. I will be self supporting and I can't afford the university, yet. I might also have to study part-time in order to pay off some of what I owe.

Dahlia (my car) also needs/requires money. Gas, though it went down a bit, isn't cheap. The monthly payments and insurance also add up. I'm not complaining about it. I'm just stating the obvious. I love Dahlia and really grateful to Him for this gift. I just have to be more strategic with my budget.

I'm praying for guidance. I'm in a state of slight confusion and I really don't know what to do.

Philippians 4:19 (NIV) "And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus."