i usually have a lot that i want to write about, but i always don't. during the day, something interesting would happen or i would just have an idea to write about but i would just forget about everything due to lots of distractions like facebook, texting, blah blah blahs. there was a point when i thought of totally leaving the blog world since i'm not so sure if i really want other to people to know what i've been up to or listen to my rants. anyways, i guess i'm still here.




i'm still as emotional as always. (i don't really want to use the word "emo" because people would automatically think of bangs, eyeliners, black shirts, and skinny pants.)

i feel overworked in my job because we're short on people. there was a potential newbie that came in yesterday and a few days before that, but i'm not sure if she'll take the job. if she does, i can hand her over the contracts so i can concentrate on the special accounts that i handle. i still have yet to submit my personal evaluation so i can ask for a raise. praying silently and crossing my fingers for that.

also been thinking really hard about going back to school. it seems like that i'm going to stay here in hawaii instead of moving to san fran and i would be really really really really really really really really really really really really happy if that happens. :] i started sketching again. went back to basics. like triangles-and-ovals-basic kind of sketching. really need to improve my illustration to better express my visions. i know i'm a good designer, but i've noticed i lost my passion. i've been so drowned out by a lot of distractions. i'm not happy about it, but i'm now getting back there. been browsing online a lot too for some studies on how to start an online clothing business.

love life... hmmm.. it's better than before. a working progress, i might say. not completely there, but leaning towards it. again, praying and crossing my fingers for it.






on a lighter note, MANNY PACQUIAO WON!! the filpino pride made history by being the first boxer to win 7 weight titles, one more than the golden boy, oscar dela hoya. chee hoo!

flowers

a few months back, i believe it was mother's day season, my coworker asked me if i've received flowers before. i said, "yeah, but not really." yes, i received some flowers four times in my life but i don't think they really count. why? because it's not the boy-gives-girl-flowers-cuz-he-likes-her deal.

Here.


Number 1
It was my high school graduation. I had a boyfriend back then, but it wasn't an official one. Meaning, it would cause panic/anger/and prolly some form of violence. Anyways, my dad gave me a bunch of flowers when I finally got my diploma. Sweet! Don't get me wrong. I got really excited, but it's a happy/proud dad kind of flowers.


Number 2
I was dating this guy back then. He told me that he wanted to give me a single white rose for my birthday because he said it's pure. Eh? My birthday that year fell on a Sunday and he had no choice but to give it to me at church. He doesn't really know what to do, so he put the rose in his pocket to hide it from other people. When he saw me, he took it out and handed me... the stem. Yep, the rose head was gone. He doesn't know what happened and just threw away whatever is left. Smart, eh?


Number 3
This one definitely doesn't count. The third sich was my 18th birthday. So all the flowers they gave me, I (well, mum) bought them. Blah.


Number 4
This is another story of a single white rose. Imagine; lights dimmed and there were only blue candles in the room. Then, somebody gave me a single, white rose. Then, he also gave the person next in line a rose. It was my Phi Theta Kappa Induction ceremony. All the inductees were given a single, white rose. Yep. Just another school ritual.



yep, true stories.

to the rescue!

yesterday, while i was at work, i got a call from tiny. i haven't seen her since january because she signed up for the army national guard and went to boot camp for six months. she got back last thursday from virginia. so, yesterday, she called me up and told me that she was at the airport reporting a loss. turned out she ran out of money to pay for parking. i work near the airport, prolly a 20-minute walk, so i'm the first one she thought of to rescue her.

it was about 11am, the sun was high up in the sky, and i wasn't gonna walk and get sweaty. but i did say i'm going to meet up with her. i walked up to the bus stop and waited for my limo. got off at the stop and spent another 10 minutes trying to find tiny. we finally found each other! yey!

since i was already on my lunch break, i decided to treat tiny for lunch. then we thought of picking up vee cuz she works about three blocks away from me. the three of us went to get vietnamese food and i ended up smelling like onions and garlic.

that was my friday!

here are random pics:



aly and ayden @ mel's grad party








aly and mika doing cartwheels @ magic island

i haven't written an entry in a long time because i don't feel like anything in my life right now is worth writing. or i'm just lazy. anyway.

this month, maj is leaving for alaska. it's very hard to schedule a going-away dinner for her due to her hectic schedule. i haven't seen her since april and i miss her so much! now she's leaving hawaii. :( anyhoo, i think everyone is fine with dinner this saturday. just a few close friends in a cheap restaurant and no alcohol. it'll be fun.

depression (or something like it) had been frequent. maybe i'm experiencing my almost-quarter-life crisis. i've been moody and annoyed lately. today, i scolded one of our salesreps and i think i was too bitchy to my coworkers by the end of the day. gaaaahh. i feel lonely even if i'm surrounded by a lot of people. what's wrong with me?

bus rides and almost fevers

Part 1. Bus Rides

About a few days ago, I believe it was a Thursday, I had a weird feeling about catching the bus after work. I couldn't explain it, but it kept on bothering me. I had asked a friend if i could hitch, but he couldn't pick me up from work because he needs to drive his mum somewhere.

The number 42 bus came first so I got on that one. It was pretty crowded but I found a seat near the front. The first thing I noticed was there were two, big, scary-looking guys who look different. Different, meaning, not normal. No one knows what people who think different will do, but I just kept my cool. The traffic was pretty heavy that day and I'm very exhausted, so I just wanted peace and quiet until I get home.

The first ten minutes were ok, until this little FOB 10-ish year old Filipino boy started singing... Beyonce's "Irreplaceable"... Loud. Real LOUD. He didn't sing the whole song but when his player got to the chorus parts, he would just blurt out. After a few minutes, an older girl he was with started rapping in Tagalog and he sang along with her. The two FOB couple behind me who was with those kids started talking loud. The two fob couple behind the kids, who i believe is their aunt and prolly an older cousin, were just sitting there. The kids kept on what they're doing for 20 minutes. I kept giving them the look but I guess they're not smart enough to get that. I wanted to say something like, "Are you stupid that you can't understand the bus signs and announcements that you have to be quiet?" I decided against it and just looked at them and said, "You're too loud," in a very annoyed voice. They finally shut up. After I did that, I realized that I did it wrong. I should've scolded the adults instead of the kid. Anyway, when the couple behind me stood up to get off the bus, I said, loudly, "Finally!" But yeah, I still think they didn't get it.

After that incident, I noticed one of the scary-looking guys was staring at me. Creepy. He got off one stop before mine. Whew!

I caught my second bus which will take me to Kunia/Village Park. I sat in the back, just minding my own business. Then this rotund, white guy asked me if I was ok because he said he thought I was crying. I told him I'm fine. So he started talking story, asked me if I live around Village Park. And all of a sudden he told me he thinks I'm beautiful. I was surprised and weirded out so I just thanked him. After a few seconds of silence, he asked me if I lived alone or with my parents. So I replied, "No. I live with my boyfriend and my kid." He finally shut up.

---

Part 2: Almost-fevers

Since Monday last week, I haven't been feeling well. Sometimes, I feel like throwing up or I take a dump every hour. This feeling in my hands which I usually get before having a fever is always there, but it never really went there. It's annoying since I don't have any reason to stay home and rest because it's not really there. And also, the new employees just started later last week and this Monday.

I slept when I got home today. I was just having a terrible headache. Now, I feel like I want to throw up, but I'm hungry at the same time. Blah

bambino!

the cable company just installed our modem last saturday and what joy it was to finally reconnect with the whole wide world through the world wide web. alyssa's finally happy cuz she can watch her disney shows. me... well, i can't still watch much tv cuz little sis or dad uses it. ah.. thank you so much laptop inventor! i can watch my shows herr!

i started watching "bambino!" the other day. jun matsumoto just calls me. haha. hana yori dango is still, by far, the best drama i've seen. anyways, bambino is about ban (matsujun), a college student who works as a cook in a small italian eatery in a small town, who was sent by his senior to tokyo to work in an upscale italian restaurant. basically, he's just finding himself and feeding his passion. i just finished the 4th episode.

hay.. i am watching my dramas again.. that means i'm trying to escape again..

self-preservation

i've been troubled for the longest time of how i feel. i kept denying that i'm in denial. haha. everyone thought it was so obvious, but i keep on saying that there's nothing more to it. it's just that.

two days ago, i had a revelation. i've dreamt of him. i will not go into details, just that it really made me realize how much inlove i am with him. he's all i think about and he's all i want. our situation is not that easy, because he's currently with someone else.

last night, i finally told him how i feel and just poured my heart out. he just apologized. we can't be together. it broke my heart... but i still can't stop loving him. at least i know where i stand.

i'm in so much pain, but i still smile and i feel light. maybe because what really burdened me was the fact that i wasn't honest of how i feel. or maybe it's just my mind trying to protect me from depression. just like having a tattoo, it would hurt a lot at first then all you'll feel is nothing. that's where i am now.